Years ago I began to take a deeper look into myself to find out the reasons “why”
While this is a broad spectrum of analysis, it has put me on a path with winding curves, obstacles and obstructions and along the way I have met some very colorful but also some very bland people. I am no where near the end of this path and quite honestly I hope I never do find the end. I hope that the path I am creating will be followed by those who I invite to travel with me. This path should never see a closed door or permanent end.
In the analysis that I have been able to understand and comprehend, I have unlocked parts of my mind that I never knew existed. Some bad, most good, all for a reason. Do not get this “for a reason” confused with the idea of fate. This collection of occurrences has brought me to the teachings and literature of so many different minds in an effort for understanding. If I could sit and listen to the authors over a cup of the finest coffee or a cigar… I do believe that it would be the so-called heaven we all hope to reside in.
My collection thus far includes knowledge from any culture and class that I can find and verify. The overlapping of certain texts and theories allows me to validate some some of these teachings or works. This verification is essential because through the time-line of human existence we have seen some of the greatest and also the most evil of minds. Evil drives the vehicle of greed and for that reason and that reason alone humanity cannot be taken 100% seriously. In other words, don’t believe everything that you see, hear, or read. I dare you to question the validity of even this writing, after all.. I’m just another blogger.
For most of my life I have followed the tell tale signs of chaos theory and natures way of “trash pickup” –entropy. This has led me to the belief (or rather the DIS-belief) of fate and pre-determination of life. Though, Life seems to have its way of saying “I do what I want.” This complication has plagued me in the reasoning of if fate exists and if we were created or if we happened. Then I came across the I Ching.
The Book of Changes.
If you subscribe to the theory that all of existence is in the form of waves (think sound waves or light waves), then apply the theory to Time.
First I must sort out the difference between Repetition and Iteration for you to understand the rest of this writing. If you have ever seen the movies “Run Lola Run” (Lola Rennt in German) or “Groundhog Day” then you already have a basic understanding of where I am going. Each day in our life is an iteration of our existence. It is up to us individually to decide if we should repeat or iterate. From the moment you open your eyes in the morning you are given stimulus and you must react based upon your ability to handle the occurrences. If you choose to ignore differential stimulus, then your day will repeat.
Repetition is not a bad thing, and sometimes it is even required. Iteration is the ability to create change.
If you apply Iteration to your daily life, you will see the changes you desire or fear. If you rely on repetition for security, then security you shall have, but you are giving up the ability for change. If you rely on Iteration for choices, then you are obviously giving up security and commonality in your life. All people have a mind that works in unique ways. We are all given the opportunity to decide between the two and logic would dictate that one should not stick to solely one side or the other, but rather choose the common ground in the middle of the two. Repetition works and it works damn well, but it closes the door on discovery and learning. Iteration is beautiful yet it closes the door on the ability to predict the future and determine what WILL happen. It is up to you to decide which you desire more, security or change.
The Timeline
If you record your daily choices and the decisions you make in a linear manner (just a simple timeline!) then you will see on paper your choices in repetition or iteration. If you continue to record, then your data pool grows and you will see the collection of choices on your own personal timeline. This doesn’t have to be complicated. When you come to a decision you have to make, write down the date / time and the decision (repeat or change) that you make regarding the choices presented to you. Give the decision a numeric value based on how important it is to you.
Example: (Scale -100 to +100)
2010.12.21 :: 02:50AM
choice: have kids?
decision: yes (-10)
Repeat
—————————–
2010.12.22 :: 18:45pm
choice: do you want to travel and experience life before kids?
decision: yes (+30)
Iteration
—————————-
2010.12.23 :: 08:45am
choice: speed to work today?
decision: yes (-30)
Repeat
Over time, this collection will give you something to see on a graph. You will see peaks and valleys on your graph of the decisions you made.
The Collection
Given a lifetime of data you will see whether you favor repetition or iteration in your life. You should be able to pick out your patterns and life decisions. This pattern is what throws me off in the determination of fate. Perhaps fate is created rather than decided, though it exists. I have for a long time been under the impression that Fate is non-existent, however in the realization of the differences in my life choices I am beginning to see that fate can swing both ways. If I give up the reigns, life will apply itself accordingly to the given stimulus, if I intervene then I can control fate. I guess maybe life has a sort of cruise control that it defaults to if we as living beings choose not to make an alternate decision.
Existence/Life has an eternity of data to choose from and thus can create a greater “average” of the choices available. We are individual in this life so our pool of experience that we use to make decisions is smaller. Iteration adds water to that pool, while repetition maintains the pool’s size. From the moment you are born, you are standing in that pool.
The Time-wave of Changes.
The graph that you are creating based upon your decisions in life is an unending wave of your time in existence. Each mountain and valley is a reflection of a stimulus in your life. Just as sound waves are transformed but differences in the surrounding air pressure.. your life is affected by the surrounding differences in peer pressure and most importantly the decisions you make based upon that surrounding stimulus. Using this data you can begin to predict yourself and your own coming fate, even though you may not be able to predict what the decision is that you will have to make. You already know the answer even if you don’t know the question.
My Own Book of Changes
The beginning of this post references the “I Ching”, and while I do not want to get too in depth on what the I Ching is, I have to say this: it is merely an ancient system of prediction using mythology and theory. It is nothing more than that. Based on current scientific knowledge, we cannot “predict the future” as some people claim we can. The I Ching can be related to a simple game to pass time, but it can also be taken seriously by those who “believe.” The I Ching in simple terms provides the user with a series of answers to questions that you ask of it. The method in which we find these answers is said to be affected by the universe and the spirits around us. Really, its just a different form of a Oujia board, but instead of a board and letters the tools are coins and mathematical equations to find the answer.
In looking back at my own life, I am now seeing the changes and repetitions of the decisions I make. I find this nearly impossible to explain, but the best I can describe this is that throughout my life I have been asked these questions and I have answered them in ways that have brought me to where I am today. The purpose of me writing this is to mark the fact that I am seeing not just repetition, but the variation of my decisions… iteration. I say “my life is repeating itself” but in all reality it is not. My life is coming across the same decisions I ran into before, but each time around I modify the decision just a little (without even knowing or realizing) and instead of my repetition of the decision, I iterate and my life progresses rather than cycles.
The Decisions
The broad view of my life would show a series of decisions that I have made and those decisions have ultimately brought me to this apex in my life. If one were to view the fine details of my life so far each decision that I have made would show a reflection in the larger decisions I have made. When one thinks of “what if” they are going back and revisiting decisions they have made to see if perhaps there was a better choice. From what I have been approached with, the constant analysis of “what if” can easily drown someone in doubt or worry. Our minds are an abyss of uncertainty and questions; in the blackness of what we cannot see or understand our fears surface and reach for a tight grip on the decisions that are presented in front of us. In another discussion I want to investigate dreams and the release of our intelligence all within the human mind, but as I said.. another discussion. However, in light of decisions made one must realize that regret is our minds finger pointing at us telling us that the decisions we have made were possibly not the best, and that we NEED to ask “what if?”
Some of the best decisions I have made were also quite possibly the most painful and traumatic experiences of my life. But the efforts I put forth to accomplish those decisions made the final output that much more enjoyable. Hence the saying: “the best decisions is not always the easiest.”
I can remember back to one of the biggest decisions of my life, and at the time it was so insignificantly small.. but the ultimate effect of that decision has put me in front of this screen, writing this post, on this blog. What if I had never moved to Orlando and gone to fullsail? The single decision to either A) repeat what My sister did and go to DBCC then to another state school vs B) opening a new door and going to a new school.
That decision may very well have been a catalyst to who I am today, and why I am here.
The single most important decision that I have come to in my life recently played out. This collection of occurrences that I have analyzed and over-analyzed, and re-analyzed again has brought me to this point in my life. I am still determining the existence or possibility of this so-called fate, meaning I’m not 100% certain everything happens by chance; however, nothing in my life has happened without reason.
For those reasons alone, I am here.
From this point forward, Farrah, Myself, and our unborn child are beginning on a path that I do not know where it leads, what it entails, or who we will meet on the way. I have faith in myself and Farrah to be parents, and be the best ones we can be.
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