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Goals and Motivation

I’m Lazy, lets get that out in the open. I am mother-fucking laaaazzzzzyyyy.

I’m a programmer at heart, and a designer by nature. Those two things get me in a mess. To put the cherry on the ice cream, I’ve been promoted, and I now work at home, for more pay. considerably more. (as of Feb 08). Thats the K.O. Punch for my lifestyle. i wake up late, i go to bed late, and i have more money to spend on, you named it… beer.

Well, i also recently turned 24. last year, i realized that i wasn’t the invincible 23yr old i thought i was. I have lost my abs, my metabolism has slowed to a near stop, and my body is in a state of hibernation kinda. i eat very little and still gain weight. this is not good. this is not good at all. I want to look good, i want to be fit, and i want to be healthy. I got a bowflex machine from a family friend last year, and ive used it.. 6 times? maybe 5.. yeah, i suck at this. i purchased running shoes about a month and a half ago. ive been jogging in them once? :eek:

my lifestyle makes me very sedentary. i start writing code, and i fall into the euphoric state of bliss where nothing else matters and im writing a firey trail of a program. i even forget to eat, drink, walk the dogs, and sometimes even live. yes, i know you’ve probably been there too. iTunes is blasting and the phone is ringing, but you hear nothing and see nothing. only the code on your screen and that damn little bug that you cant find. this is what is digging my grave. the beer and wings are the nails in my coffin.

I’ve recently found yahoo live. to say the least, its a nightly parade of /b/ to find the tits. i am proud to say that i don’t partake in that, but i still find it entertaining. well, a couple nights ago i found a fairly interesting person who really just goes about life at home on camera. they play drums, guitar, talk.. and best of all exercise. this has motivated me. for the past few nights, we both work out, in front of the world on live cam. im actually proud of myself. i hope i can keep this going long enough to see a difference physically. without finding this person, i dont think i would have built up the motivation to do it on my own. as much as i hate going to a gym and working out in front of people, this doesnt bother me. i still have my indulgences, like cookies and frozen snickers, but im working out nightly. which is more than i ever have in my life.. short of when i used to surf.

I am making new goals for myself. I want things, and I need things. I feel like I might finally be on the way to success. Motivation is the first step, and without someone there to lean on, who knows how long i would have gone without taking that first step. My next step is to be motivated to get certain projects done.. *ahem* Bill…

I hope that if you are in the same rut, you find what motivates you, whether it be music, friends, family, or life in general. There are things out there to jumpstart you. Just don’t spend too much time searching for it. Sometimes you just have to get up and go.

I am on the path to fixing my financial mistakes in the past.
I am on the path for improving my health, which will be an all around benefit to my life,
and I am on the path with Kelly to a future.

Cheers to the doctors, the scientists, the people up all night researching. Cheers to the REAL gods

This idea originally started as an argument I had with my mother. A little background first though:
I was originally raised a Roman Catholic, and I went to a Private Catholic School. I went to church every Wednesday with class, and I went to church every Sunday with family. I received a wonderful education, and I am very thankful that my parents spent good money to let me go there. The school had a science class and a Religion class. They kept the two separate, and for that, I couldn’t thank them more. Without that separation, I would not be who I am today.

My Sister was never baptized. My mother at that time in her life,chose not to, and when my sister was old enough to decide, my mother let her choose. She did not proceed with Baptism. She has remained, as far as I know an Agnostic, and when she was married, she then followed her husband’s beliefs. Together My sister and My brother-in-law could not conceive. They opted for In-vitro after many failed attempts, and even a miscarriage. The pregnancy was a success, until it was almost time. The boys (twins) were born 2 months early. and had to spend the first 3 months of life in a plastic dome filled with oxygen. One of them even had Lasik, otherwise he would be blind today.

They just passed their 3rd birthday, and are strong happy, healthy kids. I love them. My family Loves them. And now, my sister is pregnant again with one baby, who was also conceived in a test tube, and implanted via In-Vitro.

Years ago, after a nasty break up with an ex, and after years of problems financially, and after downfalls in my life, and after having to start from scratch, I leaned more towards the Atheism side of thing. I renounced my religion. It started after middle school, after i was no longer forced to go to church. Through high school, I became stronger in my convictions that there was/is no God. For a time, I said I was Agnostic, but even that faded. As I read more, and I saw the de-Evolution of people BECAUSE of their religious beliefs, I became stronger, and a more knowledgeable Atheist. This is where the argument with Mom comes in.

A few feeks ago, we were talking via IM:

Mom: Did i tell u Pat and I went to Mass sunday at Flagler.. nice church… u should think about it… baby due probably late July into August depends on how it goes
bEingdEvious: cool
bEingdEvious: yeah, im not going to church
bEingdEvious: sorry

Mom: did Kelly influence that choice
bEingdEvious: no, ive felt that way long before her
bEingdEvious: you know that
bEingdEvious: if anything, ive made her that way

Mom: thats terrible..we sacrificed a lot for your education and moral background..why would you have that attitude
bEingdEvious: the education was wonderful!
bEingdEvious: i just personally have developed a lot of qualms with religion as a whole

Mom: theres more to life than money, super cars and “things” i have been away from the church for too long and it felt good to be back..religion means different things to different people but you have to believe that if not for a higher source, Ashby and Carson might not have survived. All the odds were against them and even though they had the lastes medical technology, I believe they are here today because of other channels…
bEingdEvious: well thats fine if you believe that. i dont anymore :-/
bEingdEvious: i think science and human technology are the reason they’re here, and many other things are here
bEingdEvious: i cant put faith in something that says the earth is 6000 years old, when its proven fact that its billions of years old. i cant believe that

Mom: i am sorry u feel that way..what happened to give you these ideas. I have to go now, i am going to lay down before I go back to work. I dont feel very well . bye
bEingdEvious: mom
bEingdEvious: come on
bEingdEvious: dont get upset over this
bEingdEvious: you’ve known this for a long time
bEingdEvious: i got these ideas from seeing religion fail me on just about everything, and the only thing keeping religion alive is human ignorance

Mom: “religion” has not failed you..the situations u were in created your problems. i really need to go..ttyl, love ,mom

So you see. I am now seen as an Immoral degenerate because i don’t believe in God. Yesterday I read a post on a popular car forum that I go to.

“Friends,
Just to let you all know that my 3yr old son Ethan was rushed to ER last Saturday ~7AM due to cardiac arrest. For a moment, I saw my son DIED but through GOD, my wife was able save him by CPR. While my wife was trying to revive him by compressing the chest, I saw my son’s blank fixated stare up in the ceiling not breathing. I held his arm for pulse but found NONE. I saw him rolled up his dilated eyes and gradually close, my heart cried out loud inside, my heart crushed but try to keep my head ahead and focus on saving him. I knew then GOD was there, I saw his chest rised and breathed on. Paramedic assessed him, his condition was still unstable while his heart was still weak (<50bpm). In the ambulance, he was ~conscious but unresponsive. He got admitted to the hospital and was out last night. All findings were all normal except for a slight abnormalities on ECG (EKG). We suspect a seizure or could have been the SIDs if he wasn’t sleeping right on our bed. He will be in contact with specialist @ Lucile Packard in Stanford for more assessment. I am a certified 1st responder (4yrs ago) and my wife is a RN. My CPR training did nothing but made me stay CALM while I was on the phone with 911.
I encourage you all to take CPR classes because it will SAVE LIFE!!!! The paramedics will not guarantee reviving anyone in distress if they are not onsite in LESS THAN 4min.
I thank GOD for giving him back to me and my wife to cherish him. I ask for your prayers and support. “

Now, I truly feel for this man. I couldnt imagine a more horrible experience. But why didnt he credit the doctors and nurses that are helping his son in the hospital. Why cant he credit his WIFE that resuscitated their son. Why did he thank an invisible sky wizard that WAS NOT THERE. I don’t get this. I’m all for freedom of religion. If you need a crutch to get you through the day and make you think that someone is there helping you, the go for it. I shed those crutches years ago, and I can stand on my own.

I am writing this to thank the doctors, the nurses, the medical techs, the helicopter pilots, the ambulance drivers, the scientists in the labs at 5AM, the programmers who developed the software for the EKGs, the med students, the janitors that are washing the bed pans and moping YOUR blood off the floor. The people who invented HEPA filters, the men and women who toiled endlessly for some some unknown reason at the time.

Here’s to them.